I've been thinking about being a mom a lot lately. What it means to me, if I'll be sad when my kids are grown up, if we'll have good relationships, etc. All this thinking comes because I keep watching Calen grow up literally before my eyes. It seems that each day he is able to do at least one thing new that he wasn't able to do the day before. He is just so stinkin' alert and smart that I sometimes wonder if he is growing up faster than other children his age. I realized the other day that this is probably because he is around adults mostly! While he does go to daycare 3 days a week and plays with many other children, mostly he watches adults interacting with one another and that is how he interacts with others as well. I'm so hoping that getting a baby sister home will help him to slow down and want to play and pretend a bit more. Anyhow, I digress...
Becoming a mom, specifically Calen's mom has been such a learning experience for me. I have always been good with kids- it's one reason I became a teacher- and I've always been a "mothering type"- just ask everyone from high school! Yikes! But I never thought I would ENJOY being a mommy so much. It's so joyous! Getting to watch calen learn is awesome. Getting to hear him laugh is ONE of my all time favorite things in the world to hear. But getting to hear him say "mommy, I love you so much" or "Mommy, hold me" or "mommy, you crack me up"- I just don't know if I can even describe what that is like. It makes my heart sing for joy when I see him smile at me and tell me spontaneously that he loves me. I never knew it was possible to love another human being like I love my son. Yes, I love Allen with all my heart, but loving a child is just so... different- it is LITERALLY unconditional! I wonder if I feel only a fraction of what God feels for each of us each day...I can't even fathom the love that Christ has for us!
I've been debating on posting this post for a few weeks as I just don't think it really encompasses exactly how much I love Calen...I finally decided that I really should post it after a significant conversation Calen and I had...a few nights ago Calen snuggled into to me at bedtime and asked me to hold his hand and "sing the Jesus song" (Jesus loves me) to him. He knows all the words to this song, but always wants me to sing it to him over and over again. I encouraged him to sing it with me by stopping every other verse for him to complete. He smiled every time he said "the Bible tells me so" or "liddle ones to him betolong". After we were done singing he said "Jesus loves me mommy?" and I told him "YES!" then he said "Jesus loves you mommy?" I said "Yep"... then he said... "Jesus loves KatieJoy, mommy." Me= "Yes he does Calen". Calen said "I love her too. I want her home." This kid...I just can't describe how very much I love him. He is so observant and already has a heart for Jesus- HE asks us to pray with him A LOT!!! How did I get so lucky and get to be his mommy?!? Because Christ had a plan much bigger than I could ever see and I am so very thankful that HE knows so much better than I do! Calen-bug, I love you SO MUCH and am so glad that your daddy and I are the ones that get to hold you, sing to you and tell you that we love you every single day.
Lord, thank you. That's really all I can say- everything else you already know and thank you for always giving me what is meant for me!
"We love because he first loved us."
1 John 4:19
~Mandy~
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